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10 thoughts on “Real Vampires Have Curves

  1. says:

    This was an amazingly uneven book It was okay, I guess Some of the characters were cute, and the author made a valiant attempt at a sassy voice for her main character, but all in all it was just uneven And kind of sloppy.The mind reading schtick was cute for a couple pages, then it just started to look like sloppy writing The book s written in first person POV, and throughout the book, other characters would comment on the POV narration because they were reading her mind After a while, when every supernatural character could read Glory s mind including a talking dog and a were cat , it stopped being a cute schtick and became the author s lazy way of not having to write a lot of dialogue.About half of the character could have been cut to make the book tighter There were a LOT of people wandering through this book for no real reason, and keeping track of them all, in case I d need to remember them later, got annoying.But not as annoying as Glory herself Man The title implies a plus size vampire, but we hear her say she was bloated the day she was made a vampire That s not at all the same thing She s got an on again, off again relationship with her guy so confused, that she has a night of great sex with him and the next day bemoans her crappy love life.I realized I was done with this book when she remembered having sex with her man for the first time in her dressing room at the Globe Theatre Her Dressing Room Yeah Which probably had a shower in it too There were no private dressing rooms in the Globe I found this out in thirty seconds on Google I know this is a minor detail, but it s enough to make me realize the author is lazy and doesn t care enough about her own story to get things even remotely right.

  2. says:

    You know all the novels about the stick thin supermodel type vampires Well, Glory St Clair isn t one of those She s got those curves and she knows how to use them In the first installment in this refreshing series about a curvy vampire, Glory has decided to uproot and take charge of her life taking that hourglass shape of hers to Austin, Texas Why Austin, you ask With being alive for centuries, you tend to accumulate a lot of great stuff over the years so Glory is opening her own little vintage clothing boutique called Vintage Vamps Emporium It s clever, to hide in plain sight for everyone to see.This is all to the dismay of her on and off again Scottish highlander beau, Jeremy Blade, who wants her close to keep her safe under his protection Especially since there s a ruthless vampire hunter on the loose that is collecting the fangs of her friends But you didn t think she would actually listen to him, did you Of course not, she s all about being an independent woman, having her own brain and thinking for herself Since Glory s plans are so obviously set in stone, Blade has made arrangements for a protector to accompany her on the trip to stay with her just in case she gets into any hot water The protector goes by the name Valdez, a male shifter who has strict orders to stay in cute labradoodle dog form We ll see if the vampire hunter can stake this vamp.Glory St Clair has so much potential to be a great role model for the plus size women of the world I loved that there was a book out there about a woman vampire with a thick shape, boobs and a backside I just wished that she would have owned those curves and been confident in herself and her body Overall I really liked this book, it s a fun and light read that had me turning the pages The characters were really fun and I enjoyed every one of them and the relationships that they had with each other A strong woman, a sarcastic pooch, a tough boyfriend, and the flirty Italian best friend with a Casanova brother What can you want Next book is Real Vampires Live Large.

  3. says:

    Chick lit at its worst I bought this because I liked the cover and title and hoped for a Queen Betsy type read Nope, no such luck Glory is a pain in the butt who whines on constantly about her weight, moans about having the boyfriend who adores and protects her and is of course obsessed with fashion and describing everything she sees Yawn The talking dog was the only thing that got me through the first few chapters and by then I couldn t bring myself to care about anyone else introduced in the book The writing was poor and repetitive I mean how many times do we have to know that others are reading her mind and that she can t do it Strong independent woman my arse, this vampire is a complete bimbo who deserves to be staked Ugh, what a waste of time

  4. says:

    The title and the cover of this book made me expect a funny paranormal chick lit but overall what I got was a silly story with awful details, specially Damian Real Vampires Have Curves starts really well with Glory, our heroine in this first person narrative, laying out the facts of a vampire s life She does a fast summary of her five hundred years in a way I could imagine a fast talking woman who gives too much information per second superficially going through very determining facts Very engaging Glory just moved into Austin and we get a hint of a mystery when she learns there s someone out there killing off vamps She freaks out but continues with her project of opening an antique shop Then we get into her routine and nothing interesting really happens The mystery comes back in random facts while we follow Glory through cleaning, selling, sleeping, drinking her canned blood, talking to her friends and mostly gravitating between her two love interests The first guy is Jeremiah, the highlander who turned her and has been her on and off relationship for half millennium She claims the relationship doesn t work because Jerry is chauvinist and treats her as an incompetent person Through all the pages in the book I couldn t find a single evidence that that s really a fact He s a guy who believes in protecting her and thinks he knows what s best, but every time she says no or states what she really wants, he gives it to her Her whole feminist posture is forced and senseless She lashes out at him, pushing him away every chance she gets and when he gives her the space she apparently needs so much, she gets depressed because he s not giving her attention Personality disorder much The second is the biggest problem I got with this book Damian is a ladies man, he s charming and takes seduction to a whole other level, according to Glory The problem is I couldn t see it He clearly wants Glory exclusively to irritate contender number one He s cheesy, pushy and acts as if he s the last cold soda in the desert Worse, he forces Glory twice during the book and she overlooks it First he drinks her blood an extremely intimate act according to this universe without her permission and after she specifically told him not to Second he uses mind control to make her believe they have sex and even under his control the whole event felt like rape than anything else How can I cheer for a guy who forces the heroine Honestly, she lost several points with me for being OK with him after his stunt For a self proclaimed feminist, she forgets and forgives too easily.Overall Glory came off as insecure with her looks, completely clueless about what she wants and attempting to proclaim her almost non existent girl power at the worse possible moments What saved Glory for me is that, even though we don t really get a story to speak of, she grows through the book She s mostly likable and finally gets over the I don t want to be a vampire thing embracing what she is, I d say about time after five hundred years.I don t know if I ll keep reading the series, it took me a long time to be able to finish this one for its size I should have done it in two days, not five Gerry Bartlett s characters and universe had great potential, but no plot and bad events with mild reactions ruined the experience for me.

  5. says:

    Ya know, with a title like that I could not just leave this book sitting on the romance carousel at my library Reeeaaaddd Meeeeeee I had to It jumped right out into my book bag Turns out the title character happened to be a bit bloaty a bit when she was bit and changed to a vampire Thanks, sexy Scotsman Angus Jeremiah Campbell III, also known as Jeremy Blade I know that s my mortal weakness, I can t keep my paws off a sexy Scot aaaah that ACCENT I go all WIBBLY and full figured Gloriana St Clair has spent a few centuries pawing him Not now though, as they tend to piss each other off regularly Glory wants to go to Austin, Texas, and start her new beloved venture Vintage Vamp s Emporium She will be a natural as she absolutely loves clothes, and being a vamp has seen and loved all kinds Blade s gone total Neanderthal man wanting Glory to move in with him, so he can protect her from other dangerous vampires But she is a vamp too and can do for herself so it s time for this vamp to explore her own vampy girl powers A really great read and is a perfect paranormal paperback for summer

  6. says:

    Glory St Clair is a full figured, independent vampire who doesn t need or want any man thinking he s her lord and master Specifically, Blade Blade is her on again, off again lover and vampire maker He s a Hot Scot and whether he s dressed in Scottish plaid highlander gear or Cowboy snug fitting jeans, Glory is drooling over him If he weren t so damn caring and chivalrous Phhhft says I Oh, Glory, Glory, you and I both know who you re meant to be with But if you must play mind games with bad boy Damian while poor Blade suffers, I guess I can wait for a sequel or two until you are finally with your soul mate Yes, I m sticking around for at least book 2 despite my low rating You see, I liked the book but I can t in good conscience give it 3 stars the writing is not that great This is why half stars should be an option I m talking to you, Goodreads I seem to have read a lot of books like this lately The story would be decent if the writing wasn t so god awful bad In no way am I claiming to be a Grammarian, but frequent grammar errors are jarring and interfere with my enjoyment of a book Since this is written in first person you could excuse Glory s usage of shook up as a colloquialism but when several other characters say they are shook up you realize that the author probably doesn t know it should be shaken up And where is the Editor There s also some lazy writing that is cute the first time, but annoying the 12th time Glory s voice is meant to be sassy but comes across as whiny and insecure She plays up being full figured in a woe is me kind of way Even though in her time being a bit full figured meant you were able to afford food it was indicative of what social class you were part of Her constant comparing herself to her thinner vampire friends seems like a rather modern insecurity and I would ve liked an explanation as to why she is so preoccupied with her size She is described as curvy than fat so I didn t really get what her problem was She certainly got plenty of male attention I liked the idea of her mind reading dog Valdez, bred by Blade to be the ultimate guard dog But I wasn t too fond of his voice lines that were meant to be cute or funny were kind of flat Poor Valdez just didn t do it for me.This book also employs one of my vampire novel pet peeves these vampires have known some of the most famous figures in history Glory knew good ol Billy Shakespeare and even had her own dressing room at The Globe Another vampire slept with Picasso but dumped him because she didn t like how he painted her But she made it into The Last Supper because she was banging Leonardo da Vinci Oh yeah, and her brother claims to be the actual Casanova Really So, because you ve lived hundreds of years means you ve met all of the most important historical figures I hate that

  7. says:

    Cute book, and an inviting start to the series it doesn t take itself too seriously, it s steamy enough to raise one s temperature, but not enough to cross the boundary into pornography, and the swearing is kept to a non distracting minimum I don t mind the F bomb, but it makes me wonder, when authors use it almost as often as the word the , if those authors are trying to compensate for something either a deficient story or a deficient vocabulary Sure, there are some moments of idiocy where the main characters are concerned the vamps know who s hunting them and his modus operandi, but when the hunter walks into Glory s shop and whips out his hunting tools, not one of the vamps recognizes him yeah, that makes sense , but the stupidity never reaches throw it across the room level The author has taken the well trodden path of vampirism and added a new twist by allowing some of her vampires to have curves, creating an image at odd with the convential portrayal of a female vampire as slender, willowy, or even downright emaciated It makes for an entertaining, zippy, sometimes annoying and occasionally funny novel.

  8. says:

    It took me an age to get through this book I spebt a whole week dodging it But finally buckled down to finish this It started out promising, but I didn t see a running plot apart from moving to Austin to open a vintage fashion shop, then it sneaked it, then walked out the back door only to reappear dozens of pages later It was like the author was trying to focus on Glory s life rather than the storyline It was way too long and could have done with editing things out, many scenes that didn t feel neccessary Also found the chapters were long and I was getting bored and couldn t find a suitable break.I found the romance love interest s quite repetitive and lacking Descriptions repeated until you wanted to claw your eyes out Yes, we know his scottish accent turns you on SHUT UP seriously after 300 years she couldn t make up her mind If he looks at another woman she scowls and gets arsey but its alright for her to have whomever she fancies.And Billy Shakespeare Seriously.I won t bother with any of this series I ll stick to MaryJanice Davidson s queen Betsey series, wittier, sexier, funnier, in fact better in every way.

  9. says:

    I need some fluff to decompress after a long day of work and school This kind of fits the bill The first in a series, it s already got quite a lot of backstory that I feel I ve missed, but it s still kind of fun Glory, a 400yo vampire decides to give up the Vegas showgirl life and move to Houston to open up a 24 hour consignment shop which, of course, is instantly a hit Plus, she s juggling two super sexy men, a dog that communicates telepathically, and a rogue vampire hunter And I m only six chapters into the thing By the end of this book I was thoroughly convinced that a man had written it Glory is so obsessed over her voluptuous frame, which, by best guess means she s a size 10 at the most with a DD bra size The bad guy gets away to fight another day and will make an appearance in the next book in the series, Real Vampires Live Large Yes, I ve already started it Then put it down in favor of the Larry Elder book I started before I began the vamp series A review for that one is coming.

  10. says:

    Dnf Page 62 boooooring, I don t care, is anything happening besides her whining about things If you can t get me at least a little excited to ready any further within the first 50 pages, I m done for good I like the witty vampire books, but this isn t witty, funny or going anywhere